Baby

Meet Baby. He is Carson's most favorite stuffed animal. Baby goes almost everywhere with us, and is getting a little worn out with love. Tonight I finished sewing baby back together for about the tenth time. Baby is special to our family it more than one way, so I guess I should journal the story of how Baby came to live with us.

In May it will have been 3 years since I had my miscarriage. One night, a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I started bleeding very heavily. It was late and of course the OB's office was closed so we headed up to the hospital. I'm not sure why now, I guess I was hoping that there was something they could do to make it stop.

Anyways, we took Carson with us. The nurse that was helping us out that night had been a friend of Jeff's mom and he got Carson a toy from the stash they usually give to children coming in on the ambulance. When he brought the toy in, my first thought was that it was obviously handmade by someone. In my mind I imagined some little old lady making it and donating it hoping it would make some child happy. While we were at the hospital, Jeff was trying to explain to Carson that Mommy's baby was sick and might die. Carson wasn't quite two yet and kept repeating, "baby, baby, baby sick". So, somehow, he got confused and started calling the toy "Baby".

To Carson, Baby is a beloved playmate. To me, Baby is the only tangible reminder of the child I lost.