Families

Allow me to be philosophical in this post. I've been thinking a lot over the past few days about families, of course this is nothing new because I love studying families. I think it brings a power into your life when you understand why things happen in the family system. My father in law once told me that you can't learn parenting in a book. I think it is quite obvious where I stand on the issue. I don't think Heavenly Father sent us here to relearn each generation how to raise children. We've been given knowledge and honestly I think you are held accountable for using what He has given you. Granted, there is a lot of trial and error in parenting and you have to learn by experience what works best for your family, and perhaps this is what my father in law meant.

I went into Family and Consumer Science, not because I wanted to teach students how to make cute little sewing projects and to bake muffins, but for the opportunity I'd have to teach them about families and how to make their own lives better. I suppose this stems from the fact that I am a child of divorce and at a young age determined that I never wanted my children to go through what I did. Jeff and I had a teacher on campus that totally transformed our lives because he got to the core issues of family dysfunction. I loved this teacher because he told us from the first day that he wasn't going to spend a semester teaching us what we should do in our families. He suggested that we already knew what was right, but there were certain psychological and emotional roadblocks that kept us from doing what we knew we should do. I loved this idea...mainly because it is so true!

Anyways, I could go on and on about what we learned but here are two main points: 1) We've all been hurt at one time in our lives and our misbehavior or addictions are manifestations of that hurt. 2) If you try to break the cycle and get out, your family often is critical. Here is an example: Jeff and I have decided not to spank our children. This decision is often met with, "Well I was spanked and I turned out just fine." Honestly, you don't know how you would have turned out if you weren't spanked, and secondly, did you turn out fine or is that the reality you've created for yourself. Spanking shows a lack of self control and of patience. It gets immediate results, but at what cost???? Both of us grew up in homes where we were spanked. I've often been told by family members about Carson "That boy just needs a good spanking." Yes, that is exactly what I want to do: teach my child that if you get frustrated and can't figure out a solution that it is okay to hit other people to make them see it your way. Believe me, it hasn't been an easy road. There have been times when I've been so tempted to swat his little bum because nothing else is working. And when the adrenaline kicks in it is very hard to stop yourself from resorting to what has been ingrained in you. Jeff has even said a few times, "Good thing I made the choice not to spank or he'd be black and blue!" Our choice is based on a lot of worldly research, but it is also built on a doctrinal foundation. There is a quote from Brigham Young that says something like this: "The only reason a husband and father should lay a hand upon his spouce and children is to bless their lives."
Back to my original point. I love studying families because it is so pertinent to everyday life. We're all part of a family system whether we like it or not and it is something we deal with every single day. Over the past few weeks as I've struggled with Carson I think I've learned more about myself than about him. I've learned I still have a long way to go to become the type of parent I want to be. My hope is that I can raise my boys to be men of virtue and integrity, who aren't blown about by every new fad.