I was inspired last night (as I was blog hopping) by this girl's blog. In it she said that she didn't want her blog to be this glossy to-good-to-be-true tail of her life. She wanted to keep it real...to post about her families successes and trials. I want my blog to be that. Since this is our family's form of a "family history", I want people to later look back on it and see that we were real. That our lives weren't picture perfect and we had trials to overcome. I also don't want our blog to just be a travel log...we did this or we did that. So with this in mind, I'm going to "keep it real" today.
We've been struggling with Carson. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. He has been peeing on the floor....a lot. At first it started out in his bedroom, but now he's doing it in the hallway. I feel like we've tried everything we can think of doing! We've talked to him, made him scrub it up every time he does it, let him know that that is not tolerated in our house...talked to him about how he is ruining the carpet and its important to take care of things. One morning I even made him get down on the floor and smell it to show him how gross it was. He did it again last night and we made him sleep in the bathroom.
This problem is going hand in hand with another...a fear of monsters. A really, really, intense fear of monster. Its gotten so bad that he won't even walk down the hallway or go to his room in the middle of the day because he thinks he's going to be attacked. We've set up multiple night lights but he still won't go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. To make things more complicated, he'll get up and go get food out of the kitchen in the middle of the night and then go back to his room and pee on the floor. Its frustrating and I know something is really wrong. I don't know what to do. On one hand I know he's struggling with something, but on the other hand I can't let him do it anymore. It has to stop. Please understand that I am worried more about my son than my carpet! I'm not sure if he's upset about moving or about another baby or both. He told me one day he does it because "sometimes boys just want to be bad". He's also told me he does it because he doesn't like it here and he just wants to go back to Rexburg and play with TyLee.
Last night Jeff gave him a blessing and blessed him to overcome whatever is troubling him. The hard part with a little child is that he can't vocalize his feelings very well. Each time he gives us some different excuse. We've been patient and understanding, yet firm. Do I put a little potty in his room, or is that just enabling him? I keep thinking that I need to get to the root of the problem, not just do something superficial. Is this just a phase little boys go through or is it something more serious? Is he just testing his boundaries or trying to get attention? He doesn't handle change very well and I wonder if moving again is really that hard on him...or if having another brother is really that challenging.
What do you think? Any advice at all for me?
8 comments:
I would put a potty in his room. He's 4 and although the stage might last for a while, he's not going to be scared of monsters forever. Can you get to why he's scared of monsters? Where did the fear get instilled from? I'm sure he's testing his boundaries as well, and I'm sure it's frustrating for you when he pees on the carpet. The blessing was a great idea, maybe bless him to sleep well while you are saying prayers with him at night? I hope you find something that works.
We had monsters at our house, too. Before bed we would sit with Tanner for about 5 minutes. I asked him what his favorite part was about the day. I asked him what made him sad. I shared with him what I really liked about the day, and sometimes other things...
At first it was really awkward, though it shouldn't have been, but by doing this each night, we have had less problems with monsters visiting, but also with Tanner vocalizing his feelings...whether we're in the car, at the park, or in the back yard, he knows he can share his feelings.
Good luck!
be all positive children like the attention and so when whey do bad and we react this makes them happy so try to be positive with him and get treats of a cool toy if he goes all night not peeing or something he want to get him back in the bathroom you could even put it in the bathroom so he knows that it is his when he dose good. good luck hang in there it dose make a diffrent when mom is having a baby and thing are changing.
I've noticed over the years that most kids want to be able to control at least some aspects of their lives and also they want recognition. Communication and one on one time are both great ways to help those necessities along. You've had a lot of good advise here and I think the talk before bedtime is a great idea. It might also be a good idea to let him have a little planning session in the morning so he can feel he has more control over HIS day.One on one time even if it is as simple as holding his hand and giving him your UNDIVIDED attention for 2 minutes would be great too, followed by a quick hug and a positive affirmation of love of course. One on one time with Dad ( no Jonas) would be over the top! You need to correct also his wrong concept of a "bad boy". More correctly he is a good boy (or an excellent young man)who sometimes makes bad choices. And those can be corrected. Sometimes just kind of ignoring them will make them go away. We once had a little boy with autism in our class who would beat his head on the floor,posts, windows, anything until he had a calcified spot on the front of his head. We tried to keep him from it and that just made him try harder. After that we just said "Go ahead if it feels good". He stopped the next day. No attention, no glory. I guess I would just have a canister of cleaning wipes handy and when he lets me know there was a mess I would just hand him a couple with an offhand " Go clean it up then", with no more attention given. I would also definitely wear shoes all the time and do my carpet cleaning after he goes to bed.It probably won't last long at all if YOU can keep that attitude up. You're right, the carpet isn't the issue, it can always be cleaned even in your new house. Having Carson own his own problems and feel responsible for fixing them is. Feeling in control will probably help with the monsters too.
We had a problem with monsters for a while. We explain to Peter about the Holy Ghost and what it feels like. Then we explain that we can ask for the Holy Ghost to come and he will make us feel safe. So ever night we have Peter ask for the Holy Ghost to help him sleep and to keep him sleep. We also play primary music and that seems to help as well. I also think that it is an attention thing that he is going through. Peter's thing was flushing things down the toielt. Carsons could be peeing on the floor. Give him so one on one every day and see what happens. Good luck!
When I was a kid around Carson's age I was afraid of the Chinese Monsters. (no idea why they were Chinese). My room had a glass door and I was sure they were looking in at me. My parents had me sleep with a pot and spoon to bang if I thought the monsters were there. I never had to use it.
my sister at around carsons age was afraid of Bees stinging her at night. She slept with a (clean) fly swatter.
What I'm getting at is, be creative. What kind of monsters are they? What are they afraid of? Find how how Carson can "get" the monsters before they get him.
In my nursing psych class, I learned a lot about how kids react to changes . . . the biggest changes being new home and new baby. Looks like you have both approaching you. . .
When kids are faced with change, they tend to regress. .. many potty trained kids begin to show signs like this. My teacher always said that we shouldn't introduce so much change at once. Obviously she hasn't dealt with real life as it comes! :0)
My suggestion would be to just find little ways that will help ease into the change. Those ideas will simply have to come from the Spirit, for only a mother can truly know what her child needs.
Hang in there!! Thinking of you. . . .
I'm afraid I can't offer much on the peeing situation, but we've dealt with a monster before. Our solution: we bought Hannah a special can of "Monster Spray" (air freshener). We explained that monsters like things dirty and gross and smelly - the sweet smelling spray keeps them away. Each night we would spray it under the bed, in the closet, or any other monster-proned areas. It wotrked for us.
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